Episode 37: Stop Problem Solving

Episode 37: Stop Being The Problem Solver

Are you the person everyone comes to when something goes wrong?

At first, being the problem solver feels good. People trust you. They appreciate you. You feel useful. But somewhere along the way, being helpful can turn into being everyone's personal help desk—and suddenly your own work is falling behind while everyone else waits for you to fix their problems.

In this episode of Un-Shuck Yourself, we explore what happens when helping people becomes enabling them, why constantly having the answer can create dependency, and how one simple question can completely change the dynamic:

"What do YOU think we should do about this?"

Instead of solving every problem, learn how to become a thought partner—a coach, a guide, a mirror—not an answer machine.

Because the goal isn't to become the person everyone needs.

It's to help people become capable of not needing you.

Background music provided by: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i-_1Os7hVDw&t=735s

All rights reserved by the artist. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:29

Welcome back to Unshuck Yourself, powered by the Corpus Christi Originals Podcast Network. I'm your host, Ben Deon. Let me ask you something. Are you the person everyone comes to when something goes wrong? The person who always knows what to do? The person who gets the message that starts with, hey, quick question. And somehow that quick question turns into 20 minutes of your time. Maybe somebody has a problem. They bring it to you and you figure it out. They thank you. You feel useful. Everybody wins. Until it happens again. And again. And again. Six months later, you're not helping people anymore. You're running a free human help desk. Your inbox is full, your calendar is packed, your own work is falling behind. And the people around you have developed a habit. When there's a problem, go ask you before even attempting to solve it themselves. And here's the uncomfortable part. You may have trained them to do it. Not intentionally, you are just being helpful. But eventually, being helpful can turn to being responsible for everyone else's thinking. And that's where we need to make a change. See, there's nothing wrong with being good at solving problems. In fact, it's a valuable skill. People trust problem solvers. They know that when something goes sideways, you'll figure it out. And there's a certain satisfaction that comes with being that person. Someone walks in frustrated, you listen, you know exactly what to do, you fix it. Problem solved. They walk away grateful and you walk away feeling useful, and it's a good feeling. The problem isn't helping someone, the problem is what happens when helping becomes the only way people know how to interact with you. Because eventually they stop asking themselves, How can I solve this? And they start asking, What will they do about this? That's a completely different dynamic. You've gone from being a resource to being their solution. And here's where things get dangerous. At first, you don't mind. You start noticing the pattern. They come to you with problems they could probably solve themselves, and you answer. Then they come back. You answer again. Eventually you're thinking, seriously, you can figure this one out. But here's the thing: they may not have realized there's a problem. From their perspective, you've always been willing to help. You've always had the answer. You've never told them to figure it out themselves, so why would they? And now you're frustrated with someone for doing exactly what you've taught them to do. And that's a hard truth. Sometimes a person we're resentful toward isn't the only person who created the pattern. We participated in it. We rewarded the behavior. We became the shortcut. And then we got angry because everyone kept taking the shortcut. So what do we do instead? Remember, this strategy might not be for everyone, and you don't have to listen to me. But if you're interested in what I did to solve this issue at my own workplace, here it goes. The next time someone brings you a problem, don't immediately solve it. Ask them, what do you think we should do about this? And then wait. That's the important part. Wait. Don't rescue them from the silence. Don't immediately offer three possible solutions. Don't say, well, you could just let the silence happen. It's probably going to feel uncomfortable, especially if they're used to you immediately jumping in. They might stare at you. They might say, I don't know. You might get a long pause. You might even get a terrible answer back, but that's okay. Because the goal isn't to make sure that they give you the right answer immediately. The goal is to get them thinking. So if they say, I guess maybe we could try this, don't immediately tell them whether they're right or wrong. Ask them, okay, that's the first thing you try. Now they're thinking, they're evaluating, they're making a decision, and something important is happening. You're no longer solving the problem for them. You're helping them learn how to solve the problem without you. This is the shift. You don't want to be the answer book. That's a tool. You want to be the mirror. A tool gives someone an answer. A mirror makes someone look at the problem differently. When someone comes to you, you can help them see what they're missing. You can ask, what have you already tried? What do you think is causing it? What are your options? What's the worst thing that happens if you try that? What would you do if I wasn't here? And that last question is powerful. What would you do if I wasn't here? Because eventually there will be a day where you aren't there. You'll be on vacation, you'll be off work, you'll change departments, you'll retire, or you'll simply be busy with your own responsibilities. What happens then? If you've always given people answers, they'll be stuck without you. But if you taught them how to think through problems, they'll be fine. That's the difference between creating dependence and creating capability. Some people struggle with this because they think, but isn't helping people a good thing? It absolutely is a good thing. Help people. But there's a difference between helping someone carry something and carrying everything for them. If someone generally doesn't know what to do, teach them. If they're learning, guide them. If they're overwhelmed, support them. But if they're perfectly capable of thinking through the problem and you're simply faster at solving it, sometimes the kindest thing you can do is make them think. Because speed isn't always the growth, isn't always the goal. Growth is. If you solve every problem in 30 seconds, you'll save them 30 seconds. But you may have cost them an opportunity to develop a skill they'll need for the next 10 years. That's not empowerment, that's dependency. And this is where I want to warn you. When you change this behavior, it's gonna feel weird. People may not like it at first. They're used to the old version of you. The version who says, sure, I'll take care of it. Now you're saying, what do you think we should do about it? And they're gonna notice. They may even get frustrated. That's okay. Don't confuse someone's discomfort with you doing something wrong. You're changing the rules of the relationship. You're teaching them that access to your knowledge doesn't mean automatic access to your labor. And that silence is important. Because the first few seconds of silence are where people realize, oh, they're not gonna answer this for me. And then their brain starts working. And that's the moment you're looking for. Let it happen. Here's the beautiful part. You do this consistently, and something starts changing. The questions get better. People start coming to you with, well, I've looked at these three options. I think this one is best because you see, that's the difference. Now you're having a conversation instead of just providing an answer. They're thinking before they arrive. They're developing judgment, they're becoming more confident, and you're getting your time back. Your inbox starts shrinking, your calendar starts breathing again, your own work gets the attention it deserves, and the people around you become more capable. You didn't become less helpful, you became you became more valuable. Because instead of being the person who solves every problem, you became the person who develops problem solvers. That's the definition of leadership, even if you don't have that title. So here's your challenge. For the next week, pick one problem you would normally solve for someone else, and don't solve it. Ask what do you think we should do? And then listen. Ask, what have you tried already? Then listen. Ask what's the first thing you'd try, then let them think. You might be surprised what happens. They might come up with a great solution. They might come up with a terrible one. Either way, you've created an opportunity to teach. And remember, you don't have to abandon someone just because you're not solving the problem for them. You can still guide them, you can correct them, you can step in when the stakes are high. You're simply changing your role from answer provider to thought partner, from rescuer to coach, from human help desk to someone who helps people become capable of helping themselves. So here's what I want you to remember: being available for everything isn't kindness if it leaves you with nothing left for yourself. Your time matters, your workload matters, your energy matters, and your growth matters. You don't have to be the person everyone depends on for every little thing. In fact, if you're always the answer, you may be preventing other people from becoming one. So the next time someone walks up and says, Hey, can you help me with something? Resist the urge to immediately fix it. Look at them. Take a breath and ask, What do you think we should do about this? Then let the silence happen. Because sometimes the most helpful thing you can give someone isn't an answer. It's the opportunity to find their own. Remember, be the mirror, not the tool. And when you do that, you don't just solve today's problems. You build someone who can solve tomorrow's. So keep growing, keep thinking, keep helping people become capable. And I'll see you ne I'll see you next time. On Unchuck Yourself.